As I am sitting down to write this, I am asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words and give me strength to type them.
We must update you on our journey, and ask for your prayers. Two days ago we went with our birthmother to a scheduled doctor's appointment. Her blood pressure was sky high so they sent her straight over to the hospital to induce. Everything was going really well; the entire day was completely normal. Once we were settled in at the hospital, our birthmother decided she could not go through with the adoption. I wish I could give you every detail of our day so that you could understand how completely surprised we and our agency were, but those details are irrelevant. And I want to respect this woman and not include unnecessary details.
Needless to say, we are left heartbroken, confused, sad and clinging to the Lord. We don't understand this part of our story and may never understand it but are left to trust in God's sovereign hand over our lives. The range of emotions we have felt in the last 48 hours are enough to make one feel exhausted. We went with a house ready and bags packed only to come home without a precious baby in our arms. This loss is great and deep and very real.
I explain our emotions only to show our need for your prayers. I must go back and quote something I wrote just a little over a week ago:
"...as this circumstance came into play we both knew that it was news to be celebrated. And we also knew that were a disrupt to occur again, this would be something that we would need to walk through in the context of community."
We need you. We need your encouragement. We need your prayers. This baby boy needs your prayers. This birthmother needs your prayers. Please be praying for us and this entire situation.
I must also reference one other thing I wrote in that post last week:
"So - no matter what comes our way in the next few weeks, I am trusting in the Lord. He is before me, and I will dwell in His presence. His faithfulness will be our shield and he will satisfy us no matter our circumstance."
I am praising the Lord for preparing our hearts as we headed into the final days before this baby's birth. Even in the midst of our hurt and confusion, the promises of His word are becoming a beautiful reality. Things like a peace that passes understanding, God's nearness to the brokenhearted, and the fact that our God is the Good Shepherd who cares deeply for His own. He will sustain us. He will carry us. And I must keep my eyes on Jesus.
Thank you for your support of our entire journey. This is a part of our story that we may never understand, but Clay and I still beg for God's glory to be on display even in the midst of such great loss. We love you all.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
2013 Scripture Calendar Giveaway
We are going to have a fun giveaway today because we love you guys and are so thankful for all of you who have supported our adoption journey. {And because it's almost Christmas and I'm in the spirit already!}
The winner will receive this 2013 Scripture Calendar from Fresh Entity. They are 5x7 in size, professionally printed on watercolor paper, and come gifted in a cloth bag.
I love love love mine, and can't wait to get the new one each year. You can frame them or hang them ... but the best thing is you have Scripture encouraging you each day!
Please check out the Fresh Entity shop {http://freshentityshop.com/} for other amazing products like prints and gift tags. The owner of the shop is Kimmie, a fellow adoptive mother and dear friend of mine.
To enter, please leave a comment below with your first name and email address.
The giveaway will close at 12 p.m. on Friday, November 15. The winner will be notified by email.
Thank y'all for your support of us during this journey! We are so thankful for each of you!
ALSO -- get ready for something super fun that our adoption agency is doing for us for the rest of the month ... more details will come soon but it's going to be fun! :)
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Nearing the End
It's a little after midnight, and I just sat down at my computer after spending the evening cleaning out my pantry. I threw out expired items, wiped down and cleaned every shelf, and rearranged everything. It's safe to say that I am nesting. With all that is about to happen in our lives, I'm sure I could be doing something more profitable than cleaning out my pantry ... but, no actually - that had to be done too! ;)
I've spent the last week or so "getting ready" (as much as possible) for Carter's arrival. Clay was lucky enough to be out of town last week, but this week his honey-do list is a mile long. It still seems like we have so much more to do, but much preparation has been made for this little one to come into our lives.
Yet even as I work to get everything done before the baby, a small part of me is wondering if I am just keeping myself busy so that I can't worry about the unknown. Carter's due date is a little over 2 weeks away, and that means that we are 2 weeks away from seeing how this all plays out. After our disrupt in June, I thought I would not share with the world when we were matched with a birth mom again until after the baby's arrival. But as this circumstance came into play we both knew that it was news to be celebrated. And we also knew that were a disrupt to occur again, this would be something that we would need to walk through in the context of community.
[This community -- you guys -- have been the greatest, most humbling source of encouragement to us. From the garage sale to the chili supper to the phone calls to the gifts and the showers ... Clay and I have been overwhelmed to say the least. Adoption truly is a community effort - and all of you have helped to solidify that in my mind. I know that God has just been rejoicing in your obedience to Him, and I am so thankful that this adoption world has come into my life. "Thank you" seems trite and understated, but I don't know how else to phrase how we feel. We love you all.]
The reality of our situation is that we do not know what will happen when this baby is born. Lord willing, this child is our son. He will come into our home and be a part of our family forever. However, the law has not changed since June and our state gives the birthmother a waiting period in which she can change her mind on her decision to place this child for adoption. I have known this since day one.
As we've neared this day, I am not facing it with as much dread and fear as I once thought I would. Or maybe the fear is not what I thought it would be. My heart has changed so much since getting to know this dear woman who is carrying our child. I genuinely love her, and not just because of what she is giving us. The fear in my mind is that this situation would not turn out as beautiful as it seems to have become. God has been in every detail, of that we are sure. It's undeniable. And so as we walk into our final days of trusting Him in this circumstance, I must walk in faith.
The truth is that regardless of what happens, this situation is still going to be beautiful. My heart has changed because of knowing her, and I have learned new aspects of the Lord and how He loves me. I pray that she has been able to see Christ's love through Clay and I as we have gotten to know her. One huge lesson I've learned in every single step of this process is that I am not in control. However, God is still trustworthy; His plan is still in place no matter what happens.
This morning I sent these verses to a friend who is walking a road that is hard to understand. God used them to encourage me with where I am today. Adoption has brought me to a place where I am learning to dwell in the presence of the Lord again. I love that this psalm promises that those who dwell with the Lord will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. That means that God must be in front of me if I am abiding in His shadow. What a promise!
So - no matter what comes our way in the next few weeks, I am trusting in the Lord. He is before me, and I will dwell in His presence. His faithfulness will be our shield and he will satisfy us no matter our circumstance.
Please be praying for us and for our birth mom as we walk into the next few weeks. Pray that we might have gospel conversations with her, and for a healthy baby boy. Pray for our birth mom as she nears the toughest part of this journey. My heart has taken on new levels of emotion concerning what she is about to walk through. And finally, ask for God's glory to be on display.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:1-2
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Introducing...
Last Thursday Clay and I were given the most incredible gift - we were able to go to an ultrasound with our birthmother. I never knew if I would have the opportunity to have this experience, and God was so gracious to give us this gift. It was incredible. It was surreal. It was perfect.
We drove to meet our adoption coordinator and birth mom for lunch before we headed over to have the ultrasound. It was such a great time to get to know each other better and spend some more time together.
We then drove over to the ultrasound center, and waited our turn. I could feel my stomach getting more excited by the minute. We had to wait a while, but again I was thankful for more time and more conversation with our birth mom. We were able to have some sweet moments that I will never forget while we were waiting for her name to be called.
They called her back first and did a pretty thorough ultrasound before coming out to get me and Clay. The longer she was back there, the more nervous and ready I got! The tech came out and got us and told us as we were walking back to the room that everything looked great! What great news! She also told us that she had gotten an incredible look at his entire face and he had chubby cheeks and perfect lips. I was so ready to see that little face!
We got into the room, and the tech then proceeded to show us everything. She went over the top and out of her way to make sure that we got to see everything we wanted to see. We got to see his spine, brain, kidneys, stomach, bladder and his heart. We even got to hear his heartbeat! She even spent quite a bit of time trying to get him to move his hands so we could see his little face. It took some prodding, but eventually he began to move his hands enough so that we could his little face peeking through.
At this point our birthmother kept looking up at me and asking, "Isn't he beautiful, Stace?" and my heart was overwhelmed. Yes, he is beautiful. But she was beautiful as well. She was so thrilled for us in that moment, and my heart swelled with gratefulness for this dear woman who is making a huge sacrifice so that we might become parents. It was a moment that I have tucked away in my heart and I will never forget. The beauty of God's hand in our adoption was evident in that room.
When we got in the car to leave, Clay said "I didn't know what I was looking at for like the first 20 minutes!" I reassured him that is probably how most first-time dads are. :)
What a special day that I never want to forget! We got quite a few pictures and I will always cherish the fact that I have ultrasound pictures of our baby boy. What a huge blessing from God that we were able to be there!
We also have a name for this precious gift from God!
We drove to meet our adoption coordinator and birth mom for lunch before we headed over to have the ultrasound. It was such a great time to get to know each other better and spend some more time together.
We then drove over to the ultrasound center, and waited our turn. I could feel my stomach getting more excited by the minute. We had to wait a while, but again I was thankful for more time and more conversation with our birth mom. We were able to have some sweet moments that I will never forget while we were waiting for her name to be called.
They called her back first and did a pretty thorough ultrasound before coming out to get me and Clay. The longer she was back there, the more nervous and ready I got! The tech came out and got us and told us as we were walking back to the room that everything looked great! What great news! She also told us that she had gotten an incredible look at his entire face and he had chubby cheeks and perfect lips. I was so ready to see that little face!
We got into the room, and the tech then proceeded to show us everything. She went over the top and out of her way to make sure that we got to see everything we wanted to see. We got to see his spine, brain, kidneys, stomach, bladder and his heart. We even got to hear his heartbeat! She even spent quite a bit of time trying to get him to move his hands so we could see his little face. It took some prodding, but eventually he began to move his hands enough so that we could his little face peeking through.
At this point our birthmother kept looking up at me and asking, "Isn't he beautiful, Stace?" and my heart was overwhelmed. Yes, he is beautiful. But she was beautiful as well. She was so thrilled for us in that moment, and my heart swelled with gratefulness for this dear woman who is making a huge sacrifice so that we might become parents. It was a moment that I have tucked away in my heart and I will never forget. The beauty of God's hand in our adoption was evident in that room.
When we got in the car to leave, Clay said "I didn't know what I was looking at for like the first 20 minutes!" I reassured him that is probably how most first-time dads are. :)
What a special day that I never want to forget! We got quite a few pictures and I will always cherish the fact that I have ultrasound pictures of our baby boy. What a huge blessing from God that we were able to be there!
We also have a name for this precious gift from God!
{this is his eye, nose and he is sucking his thumb}
His name is: Carter James
Carter is the last name of Clay's mentor in ministry. James is from the verse that was on our adoption t-shirts, and was also Clay's grandfather's name. We love his name and cannot wait to see his sweet face in person!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
.thankful.
My heart is full as I sit down to write this post. I would have never guessed that God would teach me so much about Himself, His provision, His people, and His heart for the least of these through our adoption journey. His faithfulness to us has literally brought me to my knees in praise and has comforted me when I've cried out for strength. What a privilege I count it that God would have us walk this path; how very thankful I am that He allowed me to experience His heart in this way.
Throughout my life I have seen God relentlessly and patiently teach me lessons of His grace. I know that following Him is worth it; He has proven that to me time and again. I have walked intimately beside Him in mountaintop moments, and I have been unknowingly carried by Him in the valley. No matter where I find myself in life, no matter how incredible or bleak my circumstances may seem - His grace is always there. It is never changing, always present and a beautiful picture of God's heart.
When Clay and I began to talk of starting a family, my heart soared with dreams of becoming a mother. Beside becoming a wife, there was nothing else I had dreamt more about. Unlike some couples who begin the journey to starting a family with lofty expectations, we knew it would be an uphill battle. But even there in the midst of what is so hard to understand, God's grace was poured out on my mind, my heart, my understanding. He has given me faith to trust in His sovereign will. He chooses when to open and close the womb, and I trust in that with all that I am.
Then this adoption thing came into the picture. I've always had a sensitive spirit to adoption; it has always intrigued me and I've thought it would be a part of my life for a while. But I would have never guessed how God might use it to teach me more of Himself. God has taught me that He is sovereign - He puts the pieces of our lives together to make a beautiful story that can reflect His grace. When making our profile book for birthmothers to view, the pressure was gone because it is God who puts the families together and not how good I can make myself look. When worry and fear wanted to creep in as the months of waiting dragged on, His sovereignty was a comfort and the very thing that sustained me through those days. When we walked through the disrupt in June, His grace and provision were sure - they never wavered. His grace has literally sustained me. For the first time in my life, I have learned that God's sovereignty is not just a fact but a comfort in all things.
God has taught me of the importance and design behind the body of Christ. While it's a catchy slogan on a silly t-shirt we made, the phrase "It Takes a Village" could not be more true. God has used so many of you to teach me of His provision for us. We have been overwhelmed by the amount of financial support we have been shown, but also just by the fact that this child is loved and prayed for already by so many. Thank you, very much, for walking this road with us so well.
I have seen anew that God is intimately involved in our daily lives. He is not just our saving grace, but our daily grace as well. I cannot even begin to tell you all the ways that He has shown how intimately involved He is in our lives every moment of every day. Whether it was a phone call or a text sent at just the right time, or the exact amount of money needed in that moment or Scripture coming to mind just as I begin to lose hope - His intimate attention in all things has been evident.
Most importantly, adoption has given me a new understanding of redemption. It's what God is all about. It is why we gather together as a church body to celebrate, and it is why we go out from the walls of the church with a message to declare to the world. Redemption - a rescue - is the essence of the gospel. What a privilege God has given to Clay and I to be a part of His rescue through the story of our adoption. To take this precious baby boy that is coming our way in the next few weeks, and to rescue him, give him unconditional love and call him our own is such a privilege that I cannot comprehend. It is overwhelming beautiful, and absolutely a gorgeous picture of God's same rescue of us. I only pray that one day this baby boy will look deep into the story of his own life to see that it is a mere reflection of the redemption and rescue that God intended for him from the beginning of time. That he might come to know, understand, love and be overwhelmed by this same grace that is humbling me now. That he might see that Jesus is THE rescuer of our souls.
And then I think of his birthmother. This precious incredible woman that God has given us the grace to meet and come to love. And again, the picture that adoption paints of redemption comes sweeping into my heart over her. I long for her to know and understand this same grace of God that has come into my life. I want her to know that God's heart is for a rescue and redemption to occur in all circumstances, and I am asking that God might use the birth of this baby to teach her of His great love for her. Would you join me in praying these things?
Clay and I are so humbled that God might allow us to be given this opportunity to know Him more and to make His name known. We are praising Him in every part of this journey and excited to see what lies ahead!
Throughout my life I have seen God relentlessly and patiently teach me lessons of His grace. I know that following Him is worth it; He has proven that to me time and again. I have walked intimately beside Him in mountaintop moments, and I have been unknowingly carried by Him in the valley. No matter where I find myself in life, no matter how incredible or bleak my circumstances may seem - His grace is always there. It is never changing, always present and a beautiful picture of God's heart.
When Clay and I began to talk of starting a family, my heart soared with dreams of becoming a mother. Beside becoming a wife, there was nothing else I had dreamt more about. Unlike some couples who begin the journey to starting a family with lofty expectations, we knew it would be an uphill battle. But even there in the midst of what is so hard to understand, God's grace was poured out on my mind, my heart, my understanding. He has given me faith to trust in His sovereign will. He chooses when to open and close the womb, and I trust in that with all that I am.
Then this adoption thing came into the picture. I've always had a sensitive spirit to adoption; it has always intrigued me and I've thought it would be a part of my life for a while. But I would have never guessed how God might use it to teach me more of Himself. God has taught me that He is sovereign - He puts the pieces of our lives together to make a beautiful story that can reflect His grace. When making our profile book for birthmothers to view, the pressure was gone because it is God who puts the families together and not how good I can make myself look. When worry and fear wanted to creep in as the months of waiting dragged on, His sovereignty was a comfort and the very thing that sustained me through those days. When we walked through the disrupt in June, His grace and provision were sure - they never wavered. His grace has literally sustained me. For the first time in my life, I have learned that God's sovereignty is not just a fact but a comfort in all things.
God has taught me of the importance and design behind the body of Christ. While it's a catchy slogan on a silly t-shirt we made, the phrase "It Takes a Village" could not be more true. God has used so many of you to teach me of His provision for us. We have been overwhelmed by the amount of financial support we have been shown, but also just by the fact that this child is loved and prayed for already by so many. Thank you, very much, for walking this road with us so well.
I have seen anew that God is intimately involved in our daily lives. He is not just our saving grace, but our daily grace as well. I cannot even begin to tell you all the ways that He has shown how intimately involved He is in our lives every moment of every day. Whether it was a phone call or a text sent at just the right time, or the exact amount of money needed in that moment or Scripture coming to mind just as I begin to lose hope - His intimate attention in all things has been evident.
Most importantly, adoption has given me a new understanding of redemption. It's what God is all about. It is why we gather together as a church body to celebrate, and it is why we go out from the walls of the church with a message to declare to the world. Redemption - a rescue - is the essence of the gospel. What a privilege God has given to Clay and I to be a part of His rescue through the story of our adoption. To take this precious baby boy that is coming our way in the next few weeks, and to rescue him, give him unconditional love and call him our own is such a privilege that I cannot comprehend. It is overwhelming beautiful, and absolutely a gorgeous picture of God's same rescue of us. I only pray that one day this baby boy will look deep into the story of his own life to see that it is a mere reflection of the redemption and rescue that God intended for him from the beginning of time. That he might come to know, understand, love and be overwhelmed by this same grace that is humbling me now. That he might see that Jesus is THE rescuer of our souls.
And then I think of his birthmother. This precious incredible woman that God has given us the grace to meet and come to love. And again, the picture that adoption paints of redemption comes sweeping into my heart over her. I long for her to know and understand this same grace of God that has come into my life. I want her to know that God's heart is for a rescue and redemption to occur in all circumstances, and I am asking that God might use the birth of this baby to teach her of His great love for her. Would you join me in praying these things?
Clay and I are so humbled that God might allow us to be given this opportunity to know Him more and to make His name known. We are praising Him in every part of this journey and excited to see what lies ahead!
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
Psalm 130:7-8
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A Way to Help
Today officially moves us into the month of October ... which also means that our baby boy is due to make his appearance next month! This month is going to fly by as we have some baby showers scheduled, and we are working to get our house ready for this little guy. [Hopefully he will have a name soon!]
The start of the new month also means that we are creeping closer to the date that all of our adoption funds are due. While we have seen God work in incredible ways already, we are still needing about $5,000 in order to complete our adoption.
It still gets to me every time I think about the fact that all we lack is this amount. Nine months ago, Clay and I sat with fearful hearts as we stepped out in faith and obeyed the calling God had given us to adopt. Back then, one of our biggest fears was the financial aspect. God has exceedingly and abundantly provided more than we could have imagined, and He used many of you to bless us and give generously to us as we were working towards our goal. We have learned more about the body of Christ, and also been challenged in how we give to others.
We now have one more opportunity for you to help us reach our goal. We have some incredible friends and family who have graciously offered to host a chili supper and silent auction in order to push us closer to having all the needed funds for our adoption.
Here are the details:
WHAT: Chili Supper and Silent Auction
WHEN: Thursday, October 17th
TIME: Drop-In from 5 p.m.-8 p.m.
WHERE: The NEW Benton Event Center -- We are so excited to get to use this new venue!
COST: Tickets cost $8 for adults, $4 for children and there is a family maximum of $25.
We are hoping you and your family (or friends) can make it out and eat a bowl of chili and maybe even bid on an item in the silent auction. We have had lots of great auction items donated!
We will be selling tickets beforehand, so please contact Clay or I about who to get them from. (Text, call, email or facebook us!) Please contact me with any other questions you may have!
We are extremely grateful for your support! It truly does take a village ... and a chili supper, too!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Match Day
I want to tell the entire story of the day we got "the" phone call so that one day baby boy can know everything that happened on this fun day. I am trying to include every detail so that I don't forget even one little part of God's great plan in bringing us our son.
We got the phone call on a Tuesday, but the story starts the weekend before that day. In our entire journey of trying to start a family, God has poured His grace out on my emotions and thoughts. This is a blessing from Him for sure. However - on this particular weekend - the journey, the waiting, the uncertainty was all beginning to weigh on me. Usually during these moments, I can turn to Clay and he will point me to the truth of God's Word and I am able to eventually turn my thoughts and feelings over to the Lord and trust Him with it all. But this weekend was different. Clay was there too. We didn't speak much about it, but what little we did it was clear we were both feeling the same thing.
Sunday morning I woke up and felt this heaviness beginning to weigh on me so strongly I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the day without crying. After church Clay and I went home and ate lunch before he had to go back up to the church. I had about 2 hours at home to myself, and all I could think about was this heaviness, our baby, our birthmother. I even walked into our kitchen and prayed, "Is this the week, Lord?" I quickly told myself to stop clinging to false hope and prayed and asked for more faith in His plan. It was then time to go back to church, and I drove over with tears welling up in my eyes. I texted a friend who has walked this same road with huge amounts of trust in God's plan, and just said I was having trouble holding it together and asked her to pray.
After church was over, I was returning a phone call to a neighbor who also happens to work in the adoption world. She had called about something completely unrelated, but at the end of our conversation asked how I was doing with the adoption. I wasn't planning to share with her about my feelings during the weekend, but I did. She said that she did not want to get my hopes up, but often times adoptive parents feel this way right before they are matched. She believes it is God pushing them to pray even harder for the birthmother and the decision she will be making. I didn't let myself get too excited about that. She encouraged me to call our agency and just check in and see what was going on with us, how we could pray for them, and if our book would be shown soon. I mentioned that fact to Clay, and he said we would talk about it the next day.
Right after this phone call, a dear friend texted me and asked if I wanted to go on a late night walk around her neighborhood. I thought this might be just what I needed. We walked and talked, but ended the night on her bed sharing about what God was doing in our lives. I was able to share with her about this heaviness, and she was so sweet and just prayed over me right there on her bed. She mentioned the same thing as my neighbor, and prayed for the birthmother and the decision that was going to be made. Again, I was not reading into either of these conversations.
The next day (Monday), I mentioned to Clay at dinner the idea of calling our agency just to check in with them. We don't get regular phone calls from them, and I was just dying to know something about anything that could possibly be encouraging to hear. Clay did not feel like we needed to call them, and asked me to just trust him. I agreed that I would submit to that idea if that is what he thought was best.
The very next morning (Tuesday), I was about to walk out the door to work when Clay called. He told me that the owner of agency had just called him. [What?? We had just talked about how we did not need to contact them the night before!] She was calling to ask some clarifying questions because she had a birthmom that was going to be viewing profiles that day and she wanted to include ours in the showing. All we knew was that she is latino and the baby is a boy. We talked it over, and agreed that we had no reservations about showing our book. We knew that she had a doctor's appointment around 11:30 a.m. and would look at books after that. The agency told us she might pick that day, or need a few days to think it over, or want to look at some more books.
It is not common for us to know that our book was being shown. Needless to say I was pretty much worthless all day at work. Every time the phone rang or my office door opened, I was sure it was Clay calling or coming to tell me some big news. I prayed for this birthmother all day, and my mind could barely think of anything else. We didn't know if we would hear if she didn't pick us, so by the end of the day when we hadn't heard anything, I was sure that we weren't picked. I left work and headed home for a few minutes before I had to meet a friend for dinner. I told Clay that I didn't even want to go to this meeting because I was just sad knowing that we didn't get picked. I decided that I didn't need to know anymore when our book was being shown. :) He encouraged me to go on to my dinner meeting and so I drove the 40 minute drive to meet my friend.
As I was pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant, my phone rang. It was Clay. I answered and he asked me what I was doing. I answered that I was meeting a friend for dinner -- didn't he remember that? Then he said, "Well, the baby is due November 25th." My heart stopped. What did he mean? What baby? Why would they have told him the due date when it wasn't our baby? My mind wouldn't believe it! I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "She picked us, Stace. The birthmom picked us. The baby is due on November 25th."
I was driving and trying not to cry and laugh and scream all at the same time. Clay didn't know much, but he knew that she had been shown books and connected with ours and picked us to parent her baby boy. They had told us when we were making our profile not to be stressed about making everything perfect - we were told to just be ourselves because you never know what is going to connect with the birthmother. We had done just that - and had included fun little details about ourselves throughout the book. One of the biggest things she had connected with was that I love Reeses' peanut butter cups -- because she does too! Oh how God has a sense of humor. Anyone who knows me well knows that I cannot resist all things peanut butter and chocolate. I will never look at Reeses' cups the same again! :)
I made it through dinner with my sweet friend. She was super gracious and allowed me to eat and run because I was so ready to celebrate with Clay. I made my way home, and then we talked about how we wanted to tell our families. We had not told our parents or families that our book was being shown that day, so they knew nothing. My mom has been asking me for weeks how I will tell her we were matched, if I would tell her, etc. so we decided to just drive to my parents house and show up unexpected. We called Clay's parents on the way to my parents house. They were so excited -- and they are getting their first grandson!
We got to my parent's house around 9:45 p.m. and they had no idea we were coming. I took a video of my mom coming to the door, and I'm so glad that I did! It is hilarious! I'm trying to get it uploaded on here because the world needs to see this video. It is truly priceless.
The next morning, we headed over to our agency to sign some paperwork and make things official. When we got there, our neighbor had already stopped by and dropped off this sweet present for us.
It was such a surreal few days. I'm still walking on air just thinking about all that is to come in the next few months. We are truly so excited about becoming parents, but more than that I am learning more and more of God's intimate involvement in our lives. He is so good to us. He is so near to us. He weaves greater stories in our lives than the greatest movie could ever tell. And I cannot wait to tell our son of the beginnings of his story.
And --- on another note --- keep looking for details coming about a fundraiser that some sweet friends and family are planning for us! We still need quite a bit of money to complete our adoption, and these sweet people are organizing a chili supper and silent auction for us on Thursday, October 17th. More details to come!
Sunday morning I woke up and felt this heaviness beginning to weigh on me so strongly I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the day without crying. After church Clay and I went home and ate lunch before he had to go back up to the church. I had about 2 hours at home to myself, and all I could think about was this heaviness, our baby, our birthmother. I even walked into our kitchen and prayed, "Is this the week, Lord?" I quickly told myself to stop clinging to false hope and prayed and asked for more faith in His plan. It was then time to go back to church, and I drove over with tears welling up in my eyes. I texted a friend who has walked this same road with huge amounts of trust in God's plan, and just said I was having trouble holding it together and asked her to pray.
After church was over, I was returning a phone call to a neighbor who also happens to work in the adoption world. She had called about something completely unrelated, but at the end of our conversation asked how I was doing with the adoption. I wasn't planning to share with her about my feelings during the weekend, but I did. She said that she did not want to get my hopes up, but often times adoptive parents feel this way right before they are matched. She believes it is God pushing them to pray even harder for the birthmother and the decision she will be making. I didn't let myself get too excited about that. She encouraged me to call our agency and just check in and see what was going on with us, how we could pray for them, and if our book would be shown soon. I mentioned that fact to Clay, and he said we would talk about it the next day.
Right after this phone call, a dear friend texted me and asked if I wanted to go on a late night walk around her neighborhood. I thought this might be just what I needed. We walked and talked, but ended the night on her bed sharing about what God was doing in our lives. I was able to share with her about this heaviness, and she was so sweet and just prayed over me right there on her bed. She mentioned the same thing as my neighbor, and prayed for the birthmother and the decision that was going to be made. Again, I was not reading into either of these conversations.
The next day (Monday), I mentioned to Clay at dinner the idea of calling our agency just to check in with them. We don't get regular phone calls from them, and I was just dying to know something about anything that could possibly be encouraging to hear. Clay did not feel like we needed to call them, and asked me to just trust him. I agreed that I would submit to that idea if that is what he thought was best.
The very next morning (Tuesday), I was about to walk out the door to work when Clay called. He told me that the owner of agency had just called him. [What?? We had just talked about how we did not need to contact them the night before!] She was calling to ask some clarifying questions because she had a birthmom that was going to be viewing profiles that day and she wanted to include ours in the showing. All we knew was that she is latino and the baby is a boy. We talked it over, and agreed that we had no reservations about showing our book. We knew that she had a doctor's appointment around 11:30 a.m. and would look at books after that. The agency told us she might pick that day, or need a few days to think it over, or want to look at some more books.
It is not common for us to know that our book was being shown. Needless to say I was pretty much worthless all day at work. Every time the phone rang or my office door opened, I was sure it was Clay calling or coming to tell me some big news. I prayed for this birthmother all day, and my mind could barely think of anything else. We didn't know if we would hear if she didn't pick us, so by the end of the day when we hadn't heard anything, I was sure that we weren't picked. I left work and headed home for a few minutes before I had to meet a friend for dinner. I told Clay that I didn't even want to go to this meeting because I was just sad knowing that we didn't get picked. I decided that I didn't need to know anymore when our book was being shown. :) He encouraged me to go on to my dinner meeting and so I drove the 40 minute drive to meet my friend.
As I was pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant, my phone rang. It was Clay. I answered and he asked me what I was doing. I answered that I was meeting a friend for dinner -- didn't he remember that? Then he said, "Well, the baby is due November 25th." My heart stopped. What did he mean? What baby? Why would they have told him the due date when it wasn't our baby? My mind wouldn't believe it! I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "She picked us, Stace. The birthmom picked us. The baby is due on November 25th."
I was driving and trying not to cry and laugh and scream all at the same time. Clay didn't know much, but he knew that she had been shown books and connected with ours and picked us to parent her baby boy. They had told us when we were making our profile not to be stressed about making everything perfect - we were told to just be ourselves because you never know what is going to connect with the birthmother. We had done just that - and had included fun little details about ourselves throughout the book. One of the biggest things she had connected with was that I love Reeses' peanut butter cups -- because she does too! Oh how God has a sense of humor. Anyone who knows me well knows that I cannot resist all things peanut butter and chocolate. I will never look at Reeses' cups the same again! :)
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| I'm so thankful we included these silly details in our profile! |
I made it through dinner with my sweet friend. She was super gracious and allowed me to eat and run because I was so ready to celebrate with Clay. I made my way home, and then we talked about how we wanted to tell our families. We had not told our parents or families that our book was being shown that day, so they knew nothing. My mom has been asking me for weeks how I will tell her we were matched, if I would tell her, etc. so we decided to just drive to my parents house and show up unexpected. We called Clay's parents on the way to my parents house. They were so excited -- and they are getting their first grandson!
We got to my parent's house around 9:45 p.m. and they had no idea we were coming. I took a video of my mom coming to the door, and I'm so glad that I did! It is hilarious! I'm trying to get it uploaded on here because the world needs to see this video. It is truly priceless.
The next morning, we headed over to our agency to sign some paperwork and make things official. When we got there, our neighbor had already stopped by and dropped off this sweet present for us.
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| Our first present for baby boy! |
It was such a surreal few days. I'm still walking on air just thinking about all that is to come in the next few months. We are truly so excited about becoming parents, but more than that I am learning more and more of God's intimate involvement in our lives. He is so good to us. He is so near to us. He weaves greater stories in our lives than the greatest movie could ever tell. And I cannot wait to tell our son of the beginnings of his story.
And --- on another note --- keep looking for details coming about a fundraiser that some sweet friends and family are planning for us! We still need quite a bit of money to complete our adoption, and these sweet people are organizing a chili supper and silent auction for us on Thursday, October 17th. More details to come!
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