An Update

As I am sitting down to write this, I am asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words and give me strength to type them.  

We must update you on our journey, and ask for your prayers.  Two days ago we went with our birthmother to a scheduled doctor's appointment.  Her blood pressure was sky high so they sent her straight over to the hospital to induce.  Everything was going really well; the entire day was completely normal.  Once we were settled in at the hospital, our birthmother decided she could not go through with the adoption.  I wish I could give you every detail of our day so that you could understand how completely surprised we and our agency were, but those details are irrelevant.  And I want to respect this woman and not include unnecessary details.  

Needless to say, we are left heartbroken, confused, sad and clinging to the Lord.  We don't understand this part of our story and may never understand it but are left to trust in God's sovereign hand over our lives.  The range of emotions we have felt in the last 48 hours are enough to make one feel exhausted.  We went with a house ready and bags packed only to come home without a precious baby in our arms. This loss is great and deep and very real.  

I explain our emotions only to show our need for your prayers.  I must go back and quote something I wrote just a little over a week ago: 

"...as this circumstance came into play we both knew that it was news to be celebrated.  And we also knew that were a disrupt to occur again, this would be something that we would need to walk through in the context of community."

We need you.  We need your encouragement.  We need your prayers.  This baby boy needs your prayers.  This birthmother needs your prayers.  Please be praying for us and this entire situation.  

I must also reference one other thing I wrote in that post last week:  

"So - no matter what comes our way in the next few weeks, I am trusting in the Lord.  He is before me, and I will dwell in His presence.  His faithfulness will be our shield and he will satisfy us no matter our circumstance."

I am praising the Lord for preparing our hearts as we headed into the final days before this baby's birth.  Even in the midst of our hurt and confusion, the promises of His word are becoming a beautiful reality.  Things like a peace that passes understanding, God's nearness to the brokenhearted, and the fact that our God is the Good Shepherd who cares deeply for His own.  He will sustain us.  He will carry us.  And I must keep my eyes on Jesus.  

Thank you for your support of our entire journey.  This is a part of our story that we may never understand, but Clay and I still beg for God's glory to be on display even in the midst of such great loss.    We love you all.