On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand

I have struggled with whether or not to share this part of our journey so publicly.  However, I want to correctly portray the journey to adoption, and I want to give God the glory for how He is teaching us new things as we walk this road.

A few weeks ago Clay and I went on a choir tour with the youth choir from our church.  On the second day of the trip, we received a phone call letting us know that a baby boy had been born that morning and we were asked to pray about whether or not we wanted to adopt this baby.  We had only a few hours to pray through this, but it was clear as we prayed and talked and cried [and prayed and cried and talked] that we were to proceed in adopting this baby.  

We couldn't believe it.  THE phone call had happened.  It was exactly like how I had expected it to feel, but it was nothing like I could have ever imagined.  This was the only trip of our crazy student ministry summer that I was going on.  I had jokingly said to Clay just a few days before we left, "What would we do if we get 'the call' while we're gone on choir tour?" 

The call came while we were stopped for lunch at a mall somewhere on the road to Florida.  We had to switch vehicles around so that Clay and I could at least be in the same vehicle so that we could talk through our decision and wait for our agency to call us back to tell us what we needed to do next. (Keep in mind we were traveling with 145 other people so we were having to be discreet in all of this - yeah, my mascara running, tear streaked face was completely not a big deal at all!)  All this while driving further and further away from home - the mother's heart in me was slowly aching as each mile rolled on. 

A few hours later, while still driving down the road, Clay's phone rang again.  It had seemed like the last phone call we received was days ago, but it had only been a few hours.  There in a church van huddled over a cell phone, we listened together as we were told more about this precious baby boy.  So much information was given, and my heart was becoming completely overwhelmed.  This was our baby, our son, and we were about to become parents.  We told our case worker that we were sure that this was our son, and we were ready to proceed with this adoption.  She then calmly explained that there were some complications.  

My heart and mind were racing as she explained the situation more fully.  In our state, birthparents legally have a 10-day revocation period after the birth of the baby in which they can file to disrupt their adoption plans.  One of the blessings of adopting here in our home state is that here they are given the chance to waive 5 of the 10 days if they so choose.  This was not the case with this baby; the birthparents had signed the adoption papers but wanted the full 10 day period.  

Thus we entered the longest 10 days of my life.  Our agency's owner (one of the wisest and most discerning women I've ever known) sensed a red-flag in this situation and asked us to trust her as we walked through the next 10 days.  She said that while the birthparents had signed the papers, she was feeling in her spirit that we needed to proceed with caution.  She asked us to continue on with our trip, and if she felt we needed to be home, she would let us know.  The baby was still in the hospital but when he was released, she was going to place him in temporary care through the agency.  (We just so happened to know the family that would have our little guy - what a blessing!)

There was nothing we could do but to wait.  We couldn't see him yet;  we couldn't hold him.  And so we continued on.  The week was a blur to me.  I was an emotional basket case on the inside but tried so hard to act sane on the outside.  I maybe half-way succeeded in that endeavor.  Every. Single. Concert. was a cry-fest for me.  And that's ok because God was so near to me in those moments as I literally clung to Him and was forced to trust Him like I never have before.  I was literally blown away by my husband as he was able to lead well and to preach the Word with complete abandon all the while juggling his own emotions but also caring for and loving me as well.  It was a week we will never forget.

The day after we got the phone call, we received our first picture of baby boy.  I never expected to see our child for the first time in this way, but it was such a special intimate moment for Clay and I in the midst of chaos.  We were with our students at a trampoline arena.  It is literally a trampoline wall and floor.  There in the arena, with hundreds of jumping screaming teenagers all around us, we huddled together trying to be discreet as we peered at a phone and just stared at his picture.  We couldn't talk much but just looked at each other in awe as we saw this precious, little perfect boy.  A moment I will always remember. 

We got home from the trip on day 5 of our wait.  Things seemed to be going well, but our agency still wanted to proceed with caution.  We had told a few friends and our families and they literally became the body of Christ to us.  Their faithfulness to us physically and in prayer taught me more about how to love others than ever before in my life.  This baby boy was prayed for more than I could ever imagine.  I could not wait to tell him the stories of how loved he was even when we could not see him.

It was such an odd time - not knowing how to feel in those days.  On the one hand, we were ecstatic.  We were thrilled.  We could not wait to hold this boy and love him and to parent him.  On the other, we were trying so hard to be cautious, not knowing if it was wise to be excited.  So instead, we were forced to lay it at the feet of the One who held the entire situation.  I prayed, "Your will be done." more than I ever have before.

The last day of the revocation period was a Monday so we spent the weekend getting things ready to have a baby in our home.  We were trying to be cautious, but also wanted to be wise in the case that our world might completely change in a few days.  We cleared out the room for our nursery, some dear friends painted the room, a crib was bought and put together, family came and deep cleaned our house with us, and friends gathered together baby things so we were prepared for that day.  It was a weekend I will always cherish, as we spent hours laughing, crying and praying for this little one.

Monday came.  We had made it to the last day.  We had until 4:30 to wait to see if the birthparents would file for disruption of the adoption.  After that, he was coming to our home.  He was ours forever.

I woke up that morning singing "On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand."  It was in my heart and my mind all day.  In fact, after I woke up singing the song, I texted the lyrics to all my prayer warriors.  I took a shower and then grabbed my cell phone to listen to Pandora while I got ready for the big day.  The first song that was played on my station was that very song.  Oh how intimate our Father is to us...intimate to the smallest detail.  I was peaceful.  I was ready for the day to be over.

Three hours before the revocation period was up, we received word that the birthparents had changed their mind.  The adoption was not going through.  He was not going to be our son.  Clay called me and told me the news while I was with some dear friends eating lunch.  They had been so sweet to try and distract me for those moments, and when I received the call they were silently able to know what to do.  Even in those moments, God was carrying me and sustaining me.

I went to the church to meet Clay in his office.  I hadn't cried at all from the restaurant to the church.  Once I saw him, I feel into his arms and wept.  Not tears of sadness for our loss, but for this precious baby.  I was so ready to mother him, even though I had never held him.  I was so ready to raise him up and teach him of Jesus so that he might one day know Him and serve Him.

A few days before that Monday, my sister-in-law and I were on the phone talking about the entire situation.  She asked me how I was doing with it all.  I answered her, "I'm fine.  I know I will be fine regardless of what happens on Monday.  The God I serve is the same today as He will be on Monday, and His plan is the same today as it will be on Monday."  I don't know where that assurance came from, but God was laying a foundation upon which I would have to stand.  This is the truth of our situation.  God's plan was not interrupted on that day.  I find such comfort in that fact.  He is truly sovereign, reigning over our lives and having set that plan in place long before we were in existence.

I share all this not for you to feel sorry for us.  Yes, we experienced heartache.  Yes, we were saddened deeply by this loss.  But I want you to read this and understand that God is still in control.  We absolutely believe that truth, no matter how much we longed for this baby to be in our family.  God's  presence and comfort to us since that day have been immeasurably rich.  His loving arms have surrounded us and His daily grace has sustained us.  I have learned that He is trustworthy all the time, no matter how bleak our situation seems.  I have learned that He is faithful even when we feel like giving up.  I have learned that His plan is secure and I am to walk by faith and not by sight.  And I have learned that He is a loving Father who is intimately involved in the lives of His children.

Be encouraged today that God is not surprised when life throws you a curve-ball.  He is still the same.  And that is a comfort to me.  His provision - the daily grace He provides for you to make it through each day - is sure.  It will not fail.  For our hope comes not from this world nor what it can give you, but from Christ's atoning work alone.  HE is our hope.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand

6 Months

Today marks 6 months of being on this crazy adoption journey.  In some ways it feels like we just signed up yesterday, just told our families, and are still wide-eyed and confused with the entire process.  And there there are ways in which it feels like we have been on this journey for way more than 6 months.  The many decisions and endless paperwork seem to have been made forever ago -- and I feel like I've been a waiting parent for years.  ;)

Although we do not have a child in our arms yet, I already know I would do it all over again.  Adoption teaches you things you never knew you needed to learn.  I've learned lessons in every avenue of my life.  Here are a few of the things I've learned over the past 6 months:

• God is sovereign.  This is something that I stated often before our journey to start a family and I knew it was true then.  This truth is no longer just a fact, but a comfort to walk in every single day.  God's plan for our family was set in place long ago - before Clay and I ever knew one another.  Nothing is surprising to Him and His plan is good. 
• A huge element of faith is complete surrender.  No matter how hard I try, I am not in control.  I cannot hold tightly to anything, but must unclinch my fists and let God take it all.  
• Adoption is not for the fainthearted.  Our dear friend Grant spoke these words to Clay and I very recently and we have spoken them over and over since then.  Endurance is taking on a whole new meaning to me these days.  
• God is using adoption to strengthen my marriage.  Clay and I have had to be on the same page throughout this process, and by God's grace we have been with each step.  This has happened only because we are talking about, praying through, and seeking God together with each step.  
• Stepping out in faith and being obedient to God is a wild ride.  He will take your expectations and completely blow you away.  I pray that I am always at a place where I hear His voice and walk in obedience to Him.  
• God's provision is sure, and will always follow obedience.  We are humbled daily at God's provision for us during this time.  Not only financially, but also in His daily grace to us as we wait for our precious child.  
• The adoption community is rich, and a true family.  Clay and I have been blown away by how many of you have reached out to us.  Whether you have adopted or not, you have been a huge encouragement to us by your hugs, emails, letters, donations, and your gifts.  This is something I did not expect when we entered this journey, but God has used adoption to teach me new things about the people of God.  
• Adoption reinforces the message of the gospel.  I am understanding new aspects of the gospel because of this journey.  Adoption is a clear picture of what God has done for us in calling us His sons and daughters and loving us the same.  No questions asked, no hints of regret ... we are His.  Unconditional love and acceptance into a family are given -- this gospel love is the motivation behind why we are doing this.  I'm so ready to hold my son or  daughter in my arms and to get to teach him or her this lesson daily.  
• Adoption is a blessing and joy, even in the waiting.  We have been so encouraged by God's daily grace to us as we wait.  There are moments that are hard and moments that are wonderful.  But God's grace is evident and His nearness is good!  

To our precious "Baby C", 

It may only have been 6 months that your daddy and I have been officially waiting for you, but we have been loving you and praying for you for much longer than that.   These months have taught me many things, but most of all they have taught me that I am so ready to love you and to be your mommy.  We are praying even now that you will grow up to love and know God, and to honor Him with your life.  We have been asking for God's protection over you as you grow and develop, and that His hand will be on you until you are in our arms.  We are so ready to meet you, and are ready for you to be a part of our family.  

We love you, 

Mommy and Daddy 

Home Study

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A few weeks ago while ago (yes, that's how long I've been working on this post!) we had our home study visits with our social worker.  I wasn't sure what to expect from a home study - in my mind I envisioned a very stern lady coming through our house and opening every door and examining every nook and cranny only to finally announce whether or not we made the cut.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Before our social worker came for our visits we each had to write and submit a self-study to our agency.  The self study consisted of several (around 30) questions that we each had to answer.  We could not discuss our answers with each other.  The questions consisted of just about anything anyone could ever want to know about Clay, myself, our background, our marriage, parenting views, adoption, etc.  Let's just say that those who read it will know everything about us - good or bad! ;)

Here's a few of the questions we had to answer:

• Describe your personality.  Include what you view as your strengths and weaknesses.  Briefly explain the events and experiences in your life that you feel have shaped your personality.
• Describe the family you grew up in.  Who was in the family, what were their relationships to each other?  What was your relationship with your parents like?  What were your feelings about other family members?  What were the positive and negative qualities of your family?
• Describe your parents relationships to each other while growing up and currently.
• How has your relationship changed since the ‘honeymoon’?  What do you admire about him/her now?  What are his/her strong and weak points?
• What are your main areas of disagreement?
• What are your relationships with each other’s families?  Do they live within visiting distance?  When do you get together?  What is your relationship like with your father-in-law?  Mother-in-law?  What are the similarities and dissimilarities between the two families of origin, and how have these differences impacted your marriage?
• Please explain your view of a birth parent and why and/or how a birth mother releasing a child for adoption?

After we submitted our self study, we were contacted about two months later by our agency's social worker. It just so happens that she goes to our church, but it was super fun to get to know her even better through this experience!

She was required to do 2 visits with us, one of which had to be in our home. We did the in-home part first. She had to work through several questions with us and so she did 1/2 of the interview plus the walk through of our home that day. She asked us questions about our families, our backgrounds, our personalities, what led us to adoption, etc. It was very much like the questions we answered in our self study. Then she did the walk through of our home, which was seriously just that. It was more like showing a friend your house than an investigator trying to find a reason why you are unfit to parent. (I was fretting for no reason!)

A week later we met her for lunch and completed the second half of the interview. We each had to have a few minutes at the table alone with her to ask some individual questions so I came late and Clay left early. The questions this day were more parenting and discipline oriented. After that, we were done! It was honestly a delightful process.

This was our official last step in the "paper trail" process of adoption. Technically, our profile could have been shown and we could have been matched before the home study was complete but now we are 100% ready to go and waiting.  

And oh how we are ready to meet this precious little one that God has picked out for our family. We are praying that we meet him or her very soon!

A Garage Sale Fundraiser

[I'm sorry for the blogging hiatus recently - my only excuse is that life has happened. :)  We've had so much going on but I already have a list of things I'm ready to sit down and write about so hopefully this summer will lend me the time to do so!]

A few weeks ago we had a garage sale fundraiser at my parent's house.  My mom and our best friends, the James and Harrison's, all kicked in to make this sale happen. 

Natalie, Kim and my mom all cleaned out their houses and contributed to the sale.  We also had a few people from our community give some things, and some stuff was donated from a church wide garage sale our church had earlier this year.  

My mom, Natalie and Kim all helped out working it and organizing it because I had to be at work a lot of the time.  I am so thankful for these three women!  

I teased my mom and said it was the least successful garage sale of all time! Ha!  I only say that because in the 3 hours that I was able to work it not one person came!! We ended up making a good little profit. As we were saying all weekend ... every little bit helps!  

There were some fun finds in our little sale ... it was fun to see the things that each household was ridding themselves of.  

One of them was this amazing Avatar mask that our friend Nathan did not realize he was getting rid of (you can thank his dear wife Natalie for that!).  My dad thought he needed to model it and soon thereafter it sold!  (For  $5.00!) 

We were all shocked that the most valuable item in the garage sale did not sell!  Our dear sweet friend Kimmie did this self portrait in college and she has been hiding this little gem away for years.  We're thinking the garage sale audience did not realize what a masterpiece was in front of them and it might need to hit the auction scene in order to get it's true value in profit. ;)  

(Kimmie, just get ready because this little thing might start making it's appearance in all kinds of fun places!)  

Once again we have been incredibly humbled by the support we've been given in helping to fund our adoption.  Thank you mom and dad and to the James' and Harrison's for giving of your time and resources!  

We also contributed an entire room of furniture to the sale in order to clear out a room to make a nursery -- I'll hopefully be putting up a post about that soon!  

Village People

We have been completely blown away by the support we've received from our t-shirt sales. I know I KEEP saying that over and over - but it's seriously crazy how this tiny little fundraiser has brought such a huge response!  I told Clay in the beginning that I would love to sell 100 shirts - and we've now sold almost 500!  The LORD continues to be our provision and teach us that HE is our provider!  

We are also very excited to announce that we are now at 60% of our needed funds to complete our adoption! 

I do not want to only focus on the financial aspect of our journey - I only say this to celebrate what the LORD is doing!  I do not ever want to forget how the Lord has used so many of you to teach me of His own character.  He is our provision.  He will always provide all that we need in His timing and in His ways.  

Four months ago we would have never been able to conceive of where any of this money would come from - but we knew we had to step out in faith and trust Him.  What a journey it's been!  Thank you all for your sacrificial giving and your obedience to the Lord.  I could not put into words how much the Lord has you to teach me about His heart and how He can use others to teach us about Him.  It is so humbling.  

Getting your "Village People" pictures does nothing but warm our hearts!  It has seriously been so fun to see all of you who bought one wearing them in support!  I CANNOT wait to show Baby C the pictures of you all and how loved he/she was before we even knew their name.  

If you haven't sent us a picture - please do!  We would love to include you in our book!  

Thank you all for your continued support!  May God get the glory from every little step in our journey!  

We are ready to meet our little one!  

Waiting Joyfully, 

Stacy and Clay 

Open-Handed Faith

Many of you have asked about an update - and to be quite honest there is not much of one other than the same thing we've been saying for a while now:  "We're just waiting for that phone call!"  [Please know that you are welcome to ask me this question ... I might just have the same answer for a while :)]

My dad has also told me that I can no longer call him unless I have news that his new grand baby is on the way! He said he is tired of almost having a heart attack each time he sees mine or Clay's names on the caller id. ;)

However -- we have completed 1/2 of our home study visits so expect a post about those details soon!  (There are some of you like myself who love knowing details so I'll try to make it detailed ... if any of you out there would want to know!)

While I knew that this waiting would have many different emotions and lessons attached to it, I could not expect the blessing that it has become.  It must be noted that blessing does not mean that it has been all fun and easy - no, that's not true.  There have been a few tears and some conversations with Clay hashing out my need for control.  The phrase "I just wish I knew..." followed by several different statements have been coming out of my heart and mouth in the last few weeks.

The blessing is that I (and Clay) have been able to walk by faith in ways that I never understood before this journey.  It seems that is one of the most precious ways that the Lord works - by teaching us through our obedience in the midst of uncertainty.  There have been no deep theological truths revealed, or emotional mountaintop experiences, or big revelatory moments so far.  Instead, I am learning to walk with every step as an act of open-handed obedience to the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6 have been so refreshing and challenging to me as we are waiting.  I can remember a day a little over 2 years ago as Clay and I sat on our couch discussing our plans to expand our family and this was the verse that he mentioned in that conversation.  At that time, these verses were nothing but the verses that Mrs. Margaret taught me in Sunday school years ago.   

But oh how God has deeply used these two verses to teach me about walking by faith.  Trusting the Lord is not always easy but it is always good.  Leaning on my own understanding will get me nowhere.  I may never understand why or how or when, but God does. In fact, I may never grasp why things happen if I leave it up to my own understanding.  He is in control.  He has a sovereign plan that does not need my understanding in order for it to be in place.  

For now I am learning to build my trust in my Sovereign Father.  I can do this by acknowledging Him in all my ways.  This is a lesson in putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to God's promises and His commands.   I want to always view this season of our lives in this way as we wait for our precious little one!   

The Village People

It has been so fun and humbling and awesome to see people wearing our adoption t shirts.  I have nicknamed you all the Village People - it may be corny but I think it's fun!  ;)

We've had such an overwhelming response to this fundraiser! Thank you for your generosity and support of us in this journey.  I have been completely blown away by the faithfulness of the Lord in every step of the way.  Why do we ever put limits on the Lord?  So far we have sold twice as many shirts as was my original goal! It's one of the many stories we have and will have about how the Lord is teaching us through this process.  

We are thrilled to announce that we are now at 38% of our needed funds!  Through our t-shirt sales, we added 10% of the money needed to bring our precious little one home.  It is incredibly humbling to see all that happens when you surrender to God's plan and walk entirely by faith.  You guys are all a huge part of that lesson!  

There are still people out there who have ordered shirts, and they are on their way to you!  We ran out of all the ones we did have but we are printing more!  AND if you would still like to order one - we are taking orders until next Friday, April 5th.  Just shoot us an email, Facebook message or text and let us know what size and whether you would like a crew neck or a v - neck!  

And don't forget to send us a picture if you have already gotten your shirt!  You can appear in a "Village People" post soon!  You will also be included in the book for our child to have one day!  

You can email your picture to us at:  ourroadtoadopt@gmail.com 

OR you can text it to either me or clay

Waiting Joyfully, 

Stacy and Clay