Friday, May 3, 2013

Open-Handed Faith

Many of you have asked about an update - and to be quite honest there is not much of one other than the same thing we've been saying for a while now:  "We're just waiting for that phone call!"  [Please know that you are welcome to ask me this question ... I might just have the same answer for a while :)]

My dad has also told me that I can no longer call him unless I have news that his new grand baby is on the way! He said he is tired of almost having a heart attack each time he sees mine or Clay's names on the caller id. ;)

However -- we have completed 1/2 of our home study visits so expect a post about those details soon!  (There are some of you like myself who love knowing details so I'll try to make it detailed ... if any of you out there would want to know!)

While I knew that this waiting would have many different emotions and lessons attached to it, I could not expect the blessing that it has become.  It must be noted that blessing does not mean that it has been all fun and easy - no, that's not true.  There have been a few tears and some conversations with Clay hashing out my need for control.  The phrase "I just wish I knew..." followed by several different statements have been coming out of my heart and mouth in the last few weeks.

The blessing is that I (and Clay) have been able to walk by faith in ways that I never understood before this journey.  It seems that is one of the most precious ways that the Lord works - by teaching us through our obedience in the midst of uncertainty.  There have been no deep theological truths revealed, or emotional mountaintop experiences, or big revelatory moments so far.  Instead, I am learning to walk with every step as an act of open-handed obedience to the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6 have been so refreshing and challenging to me as we are waiting.  I can remember a day a little over 2 years ago as Clay and I sat on our couch discussing our plans to expand our family and this was the verse that he mentioned in that conversation.  At that time, these verses were nothing but the verses that Mrs. Margaret taught me in Sunday school years ago.   

But oh how God has deeply used these two verses to teach me about walking by faith.  Trusting the Lord is not always easy but it is always good.  Leaning on my own understanding will get me nowhere.  I may never understand why or how or when, but God does. In fact, I may never grasp why things happen if I leave it up to my own understanding.  He is in control.  He has a sovereign plan that does not need my understanding in order for it to be in place.  

For now I am learning to build my trust in my Sovereign Father.  I can do this by acknowledging Him in all my ways.  This is a lesson in putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to God's promises and His commands.   I want to always view this season of our lives in this way as we wait for our precious little one!   

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